In two weeks, I leave Korea. Two weeks. In two weeks, my world turns upside down as I leave the country I have called home for the last four years and try to figure out how to live in the States again. I don't know what that experience is going to be like. I don't really know what to expect, except that it will be hard. Really hard. Like as hard as it was to move to Korea four years ago.
I'm sure some of you are probably thinking, "How hard can it be? You're American. You lived in America you're whole life until you moved to Korea. You'll be fine." Well, it is going to be hard. I've grown accustomed to living in Korea and not being able to communicate easily or read all the labels at the grocery store. I've grown used to Korean customs and ways of doing things. As part of a healthy transition into living in Korea, I had to forget the American way of doing things and embrace a different way. After being here for so long, I have a hard time remembering what is Korean, what is American, and what isn't either but is instead some weird international thing. In moving back to the States, I have to rediscover everything I once knew about living there, often without anybody telling me what I need to know (unlike moving to Korea where people assumed I didn't know and helped). The assumption will be that I know. But I don't. I don't know when or how much to tip. I don't know when to use (or not use) the hazards. I see people who look familiar, but I don't remember who they are (or if I even know them).
And that's just the transition to the States. That doesn't touch on the transition of leaving Korea. Saying good-bye to my home, my classroom, my students, my friends, my international "family." Saying good-bye knowing that I may never be back and I may never see them again. That's hard. I still haven't wrapped my head around it. My brain is struggling to process what that will look like and what it will mean.
Am I excited to move back to the States? Yes. Am I sad to leave Korea? Yes. Am I excited for what God has next for me? Yes. Am I going to miss my life in Korea? Yes. I feel all of these things simultaneously, waves of emotion rolling through me, one right after the other.
I know that in two weeks, as I make the 14-hour plane ride one last time, I will be both crying and smiling, happy and sad, joyful and mourning. I know that in two weeks everything will change as I enter into a new chapter in my life. I know that in two weeks nothing will ever be the same again.
Thanks for sharing your feelings Jess. It helps us help you make this transition where we otherwise would take things for granted and not understand the deep and powerful emotions you are and will be experiencing. Know that we are there for you and will help in anyway we can. Feel free to ask any question you want. We will have a No Dumb Question zone (at least for a while :) ). We love you and will be praying for God's peace and His help in this difficult transition. God has you on a fantastic journey and you have been able to experience something many of us have not. I know He will you use in a mighty way as you continue to rely on Him. Thank for being a model in faithfulness to the rest of us! See you soon! Dad
ReplyDeleteGod is with you, Jessica. You are going to do great. Advice from someone just a few steps ahead of you...remember: grace, grace, grace. Grace for yourself. Grace for America. Grace for each moment. Let God teach you His heart and His mind--they can carry you through it. His heart loves people everywhere and loves you personally and desires to bless you and conform you to the image of His dear Son who left His Home to enter our stinky, sin-scarred land, where He would be mocked, beaten, and killed that we might know the depth of His love for us. I think about that a lot during the transition process. How great was His love and obedience to the Father to simply go where His Father called Him to go. We too are free to go when He says go, and stay when He says stay, and return when He says return. We learn obedience through this suffering process. This process is also beautiful. He has promised a special nearness to the foreigner and the stranger. Let Him speak sweet promises to you in the process. I am only about 6 months into the transition (after 10 years) and I still feel like a foreigner (MORE than I ever felt foreign in Korea) and have accepted that heaven is my home in a very real way. Many days my heart is breaking and tears begin flowing at the most inopportune times: breaking for the people/country I miss, breaking for the people/country I see in front of me. You will never really return, at least not to the way you were before you left. I think there is value in just receiving that not fighting it. Commit to loving the people God puts in front of you each day and fight the urge to be overly introspective, self-centric about it (that is the flesh's default). God is with you. He cares. He is doing something beautiful in and through you. Hang on for the ride.
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